Friend-zoned and its Effects

We’ve all been there before: you like someone, they don’t like you back.

Or perhaps they felt some way about you, you about them, and it didn’t turn into what you wanted it to be because of outside forces or changes in one’s mentality.

Most-often enough you are, what society calls, “friend-zoned”.

Definition of friend-zoned: to be put in a place of being a platonic and non-romantically involved companion when there were, to some degree, romantic feelings before.

This has happened to me countless times, and it probably has plagued more individuals on this planet then anyone cares to admit: its a common and shame-inducing occurrence. People, saddened and angry that things did not work out the way they expected, deny having certain feelings or lie about being ok with just being “friends”. What the hell does that entail, exactly?

A bigger, more important question is how one really does be ok with just being “friends”. With having romantic feelings comes certain romantic desires and ambitions, and with desires and ambitions come certain feelings. Whether they be sexual or romantic and having to pertain to the word, “love”, or whether they be misconstrued perceptions of affection, feelings of intimacy have the power to change the hearts and minds of people. So when this friend-zoned situation comes along, how is it that one deals with it?

I have taken but two routes in my life:

  • The first way to deal with being “friend-zoned” is arguably the more mature, wise, and perhaps more “destructive”; one simply accepts how the other individual feels, and “lets it go”. Doesn’t mean that one stops talking or caring about this individual, but one accepts, both emotionally and psychologically, how the other feels and chooses to acknowledge those feelings and respect their wishes. This method pertains to teaching an individual that one is not the only person on this planet with feelings. However, this can have disastrous and destructive consequences; by accepting the notion that one’s happiness and wishes are more important than their own, one can possibly start to develop a mentality that their own self-respect, self-esteem, and self-happiness come second to others. While this may seem like some selfless and virtuous happening, one cannot help anyone else until they can help themselves. To have no love or self-respect or plain respect for one’s romantic and emotional feelings towards other human beings, one becomes quite unstable, emotionally distressed, and uncertain of what love, relationships, caring, and compassion mean.
  • The second way to deal with being “friend-zoned” is the more blunt, harsh, and unforgiving method(and perhaps the easier “bullet-to-the-head” way as well); one simply accepts how the other individual feels, and ends all contact and association with that person. No more “friends”, no more “buddy-buddy” hangouts; one stops being that person’s friend. Harsh, unforgiving, and merciless, one trades an eye for an eye in a Hammurabi-type of emotional resolution: if you cant be romantically involved, you can’t be friends. This method, tried and tested by yours truly, has its benefits and setbacks: the individual one was previously friends with might be left saddened and put into an awkward, guilt-ridden state, but eventually they will realize that they were most likely the one to have put up the “friend-zoned” wall in the first place; by not being friends anymore, they realize the extent of their actions against the individual, and hopefully do not let it occur again. Honesty and straight-forwardness are rewarded in this world, and in relationships they are duly appreciated.

With relationships and being “friend-zoned” there brings into light the question of, “Can a human (or humans) who had romantic feelings toward another be just ‘friends’?”

My answer to this is a most definite, absolute, and decisive NO. For to lower yourself to a level to believe that your feelings and your emotions can be cast away and suppressed simply for the reward of not having an awkward friendship is heresy and destructive to a human being. I have known it and seen it; I have lost friends, close friends, friends that I would have laid down my life for because of not being truthful in my feelings; because I was friend-zoned, and I tried to tell myself, “Hey, its OK, you can get over it.” No, it’s not OK. It’s never OK. Because in truth, everyone and anyone should have the opportunity to prove themselves in romantic relationships, and people should not lie or be confused or misconstrue how they feel towards someone and then regress on their feelings; there is no justification for such action.

I am dealing with one of these situations currently; there lies a question of whether or not to stop being friends with this person or to talk to them less or simply keep trying and be persistent in your desire to be their romantic partner. Reality and morality come face to face with me here, and I have yet to decide which route I am to take…

A.N. Lopez


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