Reflections

The Boy Who Kissed the Girl

At some point or another, every boy and every man has his morals and principles and ideas on love and affection and marriage tested when a certain little lady comes along and arouses him beyond the point of temperance. One question pops up in his mind: is this right?

This breaks down into multiple levels, but to keep it simple, one must have an idea of what is right or wrong. Who decides what is right or wrong? God? The individual? Society?

In essence, one can look at right and wrong from this point of view: something pleasurable and fun can be not exactly right or virtuous, but something fun and pleasurable does not have to consist of anybody getting hurt, making it not exactly wrong. When a man makes out with a woman who is not his wife or girlfriend or significant other (or perhaps goes even farther!) is it to be considered a wrong or shameful act?

This is something I cannot answer in this reflection: my answer is uncalled for and irrelevant. While that does not mean I don’t have an answer, I ask the reader to reflect in themselves on their own morals and principles. In this day and age, men and women “hook up” and have one-night stands and make out and have sexual relations all the time, spontaneously, with someone they might barely know. Is it right or wrong to do so? That’s up to the individual.

Who formulates this standard of right and wrong? The individual. Who judges the individual and their actions? I would say, in a most certain tone, almost everybody. Some find spontaneous sexual relations wrong and shameful and that one is a “player” or “whore” for participating in such actions, while others may find it to be just perfectly normal and fine and acceptable for men and women to have these relations; note that “everyone” consists of both men and women, for all men and women are different.

Now, for the sake of argument and necessity of evidence and subject, I will use myself as an example to make a point: I am, in a societal point of view, an average, perhaps slightly above or below average male who has hormones and possesses a taste for feminine flesh. I masturbate, hold the door open for women, have thoughts of sexual relations with women, yet respect the space and dignity and feelings and presence of women wherever I go. I treat women well and rarely disrespect one from any sort of sexist or even behavioral standard, and most women I know would describe me to be a “nice, respectful, attractive, and good guy”. Now, a key question must be brought up: if I had relations with a girl who is not in any way romantically involved with me, does this not make me a good guy? Does this not make me a good man?

Interesting question. Another way to look at it would be from a women’s perspective: is a girl who has relations with a man simply out of her desire to do so considered a “whore” or “hoe” or “slut”? Is she considered “easy”? Then again, she isn’t married, she isn’t taken or possess a significant other, and under any circumstances there exists no real reason for her not to have a relation with a man if she chooses. Food for thought, for I predict that an average man or woman in this day and age would call said female as a whore or slut; even my own mother did so, and declared she was also ashamed of me.

So, my point in this reflection is this: women and men have relations simply because they want to. One cannot be judged for having such relations, for its between two people whose feelings do not get hurt, and who have full honesty and truth put forward in the extent of the relations. Whether that be a friends with benefits type of relation or a one-night stand, humans are beings of passion and love and warmth and embrace; don’t deny who you are. It doesn’t make you any less of a man or a woman to have relations with someone…

…as long as no one gets hurt. For when people get hurt, that right and wrong debate comes into play. When no one gets hurt, its not exactly right, but there is no ground for it to be wrong. But when someone’s feelings do get hurt, or when a man treats a woman wrong or when a woman treats a man wrong, the relation is wrong.

A.N. Lopez

 

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Reflections

Friend-zoned and its Effects

We’ve all been there before: you like someone, they don’t like you back.

Or perhaps they felt some way about you, you about them, and it didn’t turn into what you wanted it to be because of outside forces or changes in one’s mentality.

Most-often enough you are, what society calls, “friend-zoned”.

Definition of friend-zoned: to be put in a place of being a platonic and non-romantically involved companion when there were, to some degree, romantic feelings before.

This has happened to me countless times, and it probably has plagued more individuals on this planet then anyone cares to admit: its a common and shame-inducing occurrence. People, saddened and angry that things did not work out the way they expected, deny having certain feelings or lie about being ok with just being “friends”. What the hell does that entail, exactly?

A bigger, more important question is how one really does be ok with just being “friends”. With having romantic feelings comes certain romantic desires and ambitions, and with desires and ambitions come certain feelings. Whether they be sexual or romantic and having to pertain to the word, “love”, or whether they be misconstrued perceptions of affection, feelings of intimacy have the power to change the hearts and minds of people. So when this friend-zoned situation comes along, how is it that one deals with it?

I have taken but two routes in my life:

  • The first way to deal with being “friend-zoned” is arguably the more mature, wise, and perhaps more “destructive”; one simply accepts how the other individual feels, and “lets it go”. Doesn’t mean that one stops talking or caring about this individual, but one accepts, both emotionally and psychologically, how the other feels and chooses to acknowledge those feelings and respect their wishes. This method pertains to teaching an individual that one is not the only person on this planet with feelings. However, this can have disastrous and destructive consequences; by accepting the notion that one’s happiness and wishes are more important than their own, one can possibly start to develop a mentality that their own self-respect, self-esteem, and self-happiness come second to others. While this may seem like some selfless and virtuous happening, one cannot help anyone else until they can help themselves. To have no love or self-respect or plain respect for one’s romantic and emotional feelings towards other human beings, one becomes quite unstable, emotionally distressed, and uncertain of what love, relationships, caring, and compassion mean.
  • The second way to deal with being “friend-zoned” is the more blunt, harsh, and unforgiving method(and perhaps the easier “bullet-to-the-head” way as well); one simply accepts how the other individual feels, and ends all contact and association with that person. No more “friends”, no more “buddy-buddy” hangouts; one stops being that person’s friend. Harsh, unforgiving, and merciless, one trades an eye for an eye in a Hammurabi-type of emotional resolution: if you cant be romantically involved, you can’t be friends. This method, tried and tested by yours truly, has its benefits and setbacks: the individual one was previously friends with might be left saddened and put into an awkward, guilt-ridden state, but eventually they will realize that they were most likely the one to have put up the “friend-zoned” wall in the first place; by not being friends anymore, they realize the extent of their actions against the individual, and hopefully do not let it occur again. Honesty and straight-forwardness are rewarded in this world, and in relationships they are duly appreciated.

With relationships and being “friend-zoned” there brings into light the question of, “Can a human (or humans) who had romantic feelings toward another be just ‘friends’?”

My answer to this is a most definite, absolute, and decisive NO. For to lower yourself to a level to believe that your feelings and your emotions can be cast away and suppressed simply for the reward of not having an awkward friendship is heresy and destructive to a human being. I have known it and seen it; I have lost friends, close friends, friends that I would have laid down my life for because of not being truthful in my feelings; because I was friend-zoned, and I tried to tell myself, “Hey, its OK, you can get over it.” No, it’s not OK. It’s never OK. Because in truth, everyone and anyone should have the opportunity to prove themselves in romantic relationships, and people should not lie or be confused or misconstrue how they feel towards someone and then regress on their feelings; there is no justification for such action.

I am dealing with one of these situations currently; there lies a question of whether or not to stop being friends with this person or to talk to them less or simply keep trying and be persistent in your desire to be their romantic partner. Reality and morality come face to face with me here, and I have yet to decide which route I am to take…

A.N. Lopez

Reflections

On Being 17

Well, it is December 21st, and I turned 17 years old just two days ago.

It’s strange, to tell the truth: in 363 days from now, I will be an adult; an adult with taxes and responsibilities and the ability to work at new jobs, make love to young women (and older), and buy certain things and go to certain places previously unknown to me. Kinda crazy thinking about all that.

The prospect of becoming an older person really tests your principles and outlook on the world; there are adults who act like children, and children who act like adults; there are men who act like boys, boys who act like men. It’s interesting to reflect on the idea of me, at 17 years old, already knowing about what I am going to do with my life and possessing the eagerness to carry out my ambitions.

But no matter how old are you are, whether you be a man or a boy, you always deal with the prospect of acting like a boy or acting like a man. There are teenagers who are young men like me who are scared shitless about the prospect of going out into the world as a legal adult. There are young men who think being an adult is another opportunity to practice their “YOLO-fuck bitches get money” way of life.

With being 17, I see things more in a realistic, and perhaps blunt, way: I am a 17 year old junior in high school; no longer can one lazily or nonchalantly dream of playing the field at school with girls who are younger them; one becomes more inherently and curiously interested in the idea of almost being able to play the field with scores of older women who are 18 and up. That line really does push a stake into one’s brain and remind them: “You are to start thinking like an adult, or you’ll forever be a child.”

But women are but one aspect of growing up. There are virtues and principles, responsibilities and actions to be considered and prepared for. Working at professions that require employees 18 and up; being able to sign binding contracts, pay taxes and owe credit and monetary bonds to the State, being able to marry legally and travel and explore without permission from a guardian or benefactor. There are men who become 18 who sign their lives away by joining the military or who stay within the perimeters of their parents and avoid taking on the challenging and daunting reins of independence. There are men who rise up to the occasion and take on the world declaring they are ready to stand on their own and make their mark.

I still can only imagine what type of man I will be; I still struggle and reflect daily on who I am right now. Principles and virtues and responsibilities remain my fields of battle, and I have until I turn 18 to train and kink out the enemies of vice, laziness, and unpreparedness from my character. Once I turn 18, and really once all men and women turn 18, they are thrust into the “adult world”, ready for it or not.